I didn’t think it could hurt this bad but our boy has been gone for 2 months now. It hits me randomly and I don’t know what to do

I never lost a pet before and tldr I just need to know how to cope with this

He was 13. We didn’t get to say goodbye or anything. We woke up and he was gone laying down in his spot. I left the next day and when I came back after around a week my sister had tossed his collar and bowl because it hurt her too much but she didn’t ask and it kills me. I wish I still had those. The only things we have of him fully are his ashes and a paw imprint and pictures.

He was my best friend and our protective boy. I used to look outside and see him laying in the sun or napping by the window. I don’t hear his barks when we get home anymore. I don’t have to tell him it’s me when I’m outside. We don’t buy dog food anymore or have the tumbleweeds of fur. Whenever it rains I just sit in my room instead of looking to make sure he’s ok. I’m not constantly looking to make sure his water bowl is clean and full. I don’t get to smell his bad breath or get muddy paws on me

I would give anything to be able to hold his goofy face in my hands and hug him to say goodbye but we never could. We just woke up and that was it. He was gone. I just wish I could flop his ears around and have him give me fist bumps with his nose.

When does it get better? I want him back and I know I can’t get that but it hurts so bad. He was in our lives since I was 7. How can I make this better? I don’t even know if this post goes here sorry