To Jackie - One Month Without You

It’s been a month since I’ve been without you,

It feels like yesterday we took our last walk,

It feels like a decade since I held you in my arms,

It’s been an experience, I think I’ve learned a lot.

It hasn’t been easy,

And there are reasons why,

I physically lost an unconditional love,

But I know now, the spirit of that love can never die,

I carry you in my heart,

Wear your city dog tag on my chain,

It helps me feel a little closer to you,

And it reminds me that your soul will always remain.

Daily I’m doing a bit better,

But still not totally fine,

As you’ve left a void in my life,

And it can’t be replaced with weed, whiskey, or wine, believe me I tried.

I think I see you sometimes,

Catch a movement out of the corner of my eye,

But it’s never you,

Just something the wind blew.

I wanna rush to get home,

Then quickly remember you’re gone,

I’ll never come back to you again,

That is the source of my pain.

Still not a day has gone by,

Where I’ve not thought of you and cried,

But the gaps are getting a little longer,

And happy thoughts of you are getting stronger.

I will keep working at it,

I know it may take a lifetime,

Of trying to heal from the loss of you physically,

For your beautiful spirit to once again fill this shattered heart of mine.

Just like you used to always find the sun,

I hope the sun now always finds you,

Giving you a warm place to lie down or sit,

You can see and hear and play, all the things you used to do.

I know I’ve told you this a lot,

Well tough, you get to hear it again,

I am so fucking proud of you,

For everything you were and all you became.

So, go get back under your covers,

Turn yourself over, belly up on your back,

And I’ll be right there for some scritches,

To help you fall back asleep, to help you relax.

Thank you again for all the time you gave me,

If I failed you in any way at all, ever, I am sorry,

I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me,

I’ve been loving you forever little girl, and always will be.

Rest peacefully, Jackie. You are my heart.

November 17, 2008 – August 04, 2025

If you made it this far, thank you. To all the people in the dog communities that post or respond to posts and help people deal with the grief of losing a dog, I sincerely thank each and every one of you. I have read so many posts and responses and gained so much insight into dealing with what I've been going through this past month. I truly appreciate them all. Some of the information is so helpful.