I list my big boy this morning.

I went outside to check on him and my other baby for the evening and wish them goodnight and he wasn’t at the gate to greet me like he always does with his happy face. So I went into their shed and saw him laying on his bed, staring at me and not getting up. So I helped him up and he yelped and I noticed his leg seemed out of socket. Took him to the vet to get x rayed and they informed me that his femur snapped completely in half and the bone had hollowed out from Osteosarcoma (bone cancer).

He’d showed no signs of pain or weakness, he’d run and walked around just fine all the days prior. Even that morning. We had been fighting his hair loss situation since 2020, and were about to test for pemphigus. But apparently it could have been the cancer all along and there wasn’t much we could have done cause it was only presenting itself on his skin. So my only options were to amputate his leg and wait for the inevitable or put him down. I chose the latter because I could not bear the thought of taking a chunk from him like that and then just go on to deteriorate. But this option wasn’t any easier cause he was still big and had so much life in him. So the look on his face as we locked eyes and he laid his head in my hands when he seeks comfort to the very end is playing over and over in my head. I hope he didn’t feel betrayed. I hope he felt loved until his last breath.

I got him September of 2015 as a companion for my husky, so that’s she wouldn’t have anymore anxieties while I was gone for work. He was a German shepherd/pit mix. Two months later, my brother was killed and as badly I wanted out, I couldn’t leave them behind. I knew he needed to be taken care of and he helped me keep going with our routines. He helped me and his sister by being there and being the biggest goofball. Now I have to stay strong for my other pup who’s been very sad that he hasn’t returned like he normally does anytime there’s a vet visit. She’s 4 years older and seems so sad that he’s nowhere to be seen.. This is hard and my hearts broken. I love you so much, Jackson and I hope my brother is taking care of you now for me. I’ll miss being greeted by you everyday with your big smile and ability to knock me over. I’ll miss snuggling you in the winters cause you don’t have the same coat as your sister. I’ll miss telling you I love you at night.