My Toto crossed the bridge today.

13 years ago we found a very young Bushland Terrier on a rescue site and instantly fell in love with her. Toto, at the time named Domino, was so nervous when she first met us, sitting in the corner of rooms, not wanting anyone to pet her, barely even taking treats. But over time she came to always be by our side.

She loved exploring the woods, walking through creeks, and keeping the mice chased out of our shed. Her favorite season was Fall, because the cool weather was easier on her black coat, and the leaves would stick to her beard so she could toss them in the air and play with them as they fell. She loved treats and table scraps more than any dog I've ever seen. Any time there was food, she'd come running. Her favorite was BBQ rib bones, but she'd settle for steak grizzle in a pinch. I haven't eaten a home meal without her in 13 years.

She'd always greet me when I came home. Day shift or night, it didn't matter. She would be at the door, tail wagging, and give short little barks. She'd run back and forth until I chased her and then give up so I could give her belly rubs. She'd be the happiest dog in the world, even if she did have to sit and wait all night for me to come back.

Two days ago she was a perfectly healthy, excited little dog, that jumped in my bed to wish me good morning. Yesterday morning I found her in the kitchen, unable to stand up, dragging herself along with her front feet. After some tests, the vets told me she had a nerve condition in her spine that immobilized everything behind her stomach. They believed to be untreatable. Pain and anti inflammation medicine was the best they could do, and that would only make her comfortable so I could say goodbye. I can't stop thinking about her, scared and alone, trying to crawl all night while I was just in the other room.

At 10:43 AM today, 07-31-2025, I held her in my arms as me and the doctors carried her across the rainbow. She hated it when I was upset. She'd worry herself to death trying to make me feel better, so I kept myself together until the time came. She was smiling and panting excitedly all the way until the sedatives kicked in and she slipped into her final dream.

I wrapped her in one of my T shirts and buried her outside the bedroom window. She's still by my side, even now that she's gone. If I didn't know better, I'd swear I heard her walking around a couple times today.

I'm so, so sorry girl. I wish there was another way. I miss you so much already.

1) Her very first and last pictures. 2) The day I brought her home 3) Showing off her teefers 4) Trapped on the couch 5) "Helping" me play DnD 6) Her first Christmas with me 7) Puppy dog eyes to guilt trip me into scratching her 8) Hiding from the scary thunder 9) Taking a knife hand like a champ after she tried to get into the trash 10) One last ride together with the windows down. She always loved car rides. 11) Goodbye sweetheart. I love you always. I'll miss you forever.