Hi my fellow dog owners and dog lovers. (Sorry for my bad english)
Last friday my dog (Paco) got euthanized but I could not say goodbye to him.
Since January my dog’s health was going downhill. We did a checkup at the vet and they told us that Paco had some health issues, some tumour growth which led him to have a hard time breathing. But he was strong and he was still the same happy dog we always have known. But we did not expect him to live any longer due to those health issues.
For the past months until last week, we slowly started to see his end coming. So we decided to euthanize him as soon as we see him skipping walks, refuses eating etc.
The last couple weeks he was really going downhill and last week he also started to have bloody diarrhea. So we were about to euthanize him because we cannot make him suffer any longer.
So this friday I came pretty late at home at night and I saw that my dog has pooped inside because of the diarrhea. So I cleaned it up, took him for a quick walk and put him to bed. Normally what I like to do is just sit beside his bed and pet him for a while and give a good kiss on his forehead. But I did not do that, since I was really tired.
The next morning I walked downstairs and my dog was gone. All his belongings are gone... My dad euthanized him... He didn’t let me know or even discussed with me and the family whether we wanted to have a last day spend with our dog. He had his reasons, I already forgave him even though I am heartbroken and there is no turning back.
But I am feeling really sad and heartbroken because I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to him. A hug or a kiss on his forehead while euthanizing him was enough, but even that was not possible.. The saddest part is that my dad did not want to hold my dog or give him any support while being euthanized. Because he heard some stupid story that dogs will scream and poop while being euthanized. I just feel so sad imagining my dog being so lonely in a sterilized room being put to death. He didn’t get the support he needed. I feel so guilty that I could not say goodbye to him. I feel guilty that I did not wake up at my usual time to stop my dad from euthanizing my dog so quickly without giving us a chance to say goodbye. I miss everything about him. I am happy that he finally got his rest but I am sad and guilty at the same time knowing he did not have a proper goodbye or a good hug from the whole family. I already knew how I wanted to spend his last day with him... all gone. He had enough energy left and he was still happy enough to spend atleast one day with us.
Paco if you are reading this. Rest in peace. You are at a better place now. I hope you are having fun with your new friends.😇 I am sorry that I could not say goodbye to you. I hope you can forgive me. You will always be in my heart. I love you forever.❤️