Rest easy, my lovey
| | I posted a version of this on [r/roughcolli](r/roughcollie)[es](r/roughcollie) earlier this week when it was still very raw. It’s been a few days, and I wish I could say it were easier, but it’s not. I find myself collecting every tuft of her fur I can find around the house and ugly crying every few minutes. I’ve been cycling through videos and pictures alternating between laughing and tearing up. I keep trying to keep the memory of what she felt like, sounded like, smelled like alive in my mind. This is not the first pet I’ve lost, but her passing is definitely hitting me harder than anything else. I feel like I need the world to know (even if just for a moment) that she existed, she was loved, and she mattered. ———————— Phoebe, the absolute light of my life passed away on Tuesday. She was so bold, so protective, so joyful, so loving. She loved chasing balls (rarely retrieving, lmao), playing tug of war, rolling in the grass, and taking epically long walks in the park. She drooled in cars, barked at skateboards, and was surprisingly good at finding money people dropped. She was terrified of horses and children. She had a whine, a bark, a yip, a groan, a sigh, or a growl for everything and anything imaginable. She nipped at my heels and my heart. Untied my shoestrings and wrapped me in her love. I will miss the couch cuddles, the jumping on my bed soaking wet, getting between my legs to beg for food, barking at me to kick balls. I will miss picking out her fur from everything and hand feeding her when she got super picky about her food. I will miss our late night walks, trying to coax her out in the rain, and all of her snoot boops on our walks. I will miss the nesting and the plopping down, the (life-long) puppy twitches and yips in her sleep. I will miss her leash check-ins, her dragging on walks, and her adorably searching for me right behind her during off leash hours in the park. I will miss her love of the snow and just sitting outside with her and watching the world go by. Most of all, I’m already missing her laying next to me at night. I’m already missing her constant companionship, her endless forgiveness even though I’m not perfect, and her sweet, sweet, sensitive soul. She had a slow decline with CCD (dementia) starting at just before age 10, and a rapid (but gradual) decline with arthritis staring at age 11. She made it to 12.5 years. We went through so many medications to treat her health issues and she rebounded so many times. I was hoping this last time would be another rebound, but it was just too much for her. It was time. I don’t feel guilty (I did everything I could and I know it), but it still hurts so badly. I just wish I could have protected her as much as she protected me. I would give anything to see her, kiss her, hug her tightly, and just be with her again. RIP my sweet baby. I will never forget you. You are my sunshine, my heart, my bestest friend forever. I will always love you. Phoebe [link] [comments] |