Hi everyone
First of all, sorry about my english, it is not my first language.
I feel the need to express how I’m feeling right now because I don’t understand and it’s making me crazy
So this is the love of my life Obiwan. He was the best boy ever and I love him so much, he’s like my brother in a way.
Almost 2 years ago, I moved out from my family house to live with my boyfriend in another city far from where my parents lives. It was sooo difficult to let my dog behind because I knew he was old and I couldn’t loose him. But I had to move out due to my university being in another city.
Fast forward September 2025, on our way back to vacation with my bf, my parents called me because they found a mass on my dog ribs. I knew right away that it was cancer and it was so difficult because I had to process the information on my own, far away from him and my family. The vet told us it was a really aggressive cancer and that Obiwan had only 4 to 6 months left.
Feeling the guilt to not be with him in his lasts months was so hard I was crying every single day. In the same time I had a really stressful year at school, and I had something like a burn out, depression or really bad anxiety idk
In April, my parents called me because it was time to put our dog down. I took the train and I got the « chance » to be with him on his last day and to hold his paw during his lasts breaths.
I knew it was gonna be hard. And it was. I was also prepared to feel a lot of grief because he was the best dog and I love him so much .
But, it’s been a month and … I don’t feel anything ? Like I miss him but that’s all. It’s like I didn’t even processed that he passed.
In my family, they’re all really sad, and I’m the complete opposite. I’m still under a lot of pressure due to my studies and work, but idk
I feel so much guilt to not be in « grief »? Is it normal ? Did I fall « out of love » for him ? It’s really the worst part right now like I want to feel grief but it’s like I can’t right now ??
Edit :
Thank you all for your kind message. It’s really difficult to respond to all of you because it’s difficult to talk in english general
All of your kind words made me feel better, I guess it’s a mix of all the things you said !
Also, maybe 5 minutes after I made the post, i saw someone walking his dog, the same as mine (a Bernese mountain dog) in the street in front of my apartment. I never saw one since I moved here so I took it as a « sign » in a way ? And seeing this dog maybe me tear up
Thank you everyone ! Take care of all of you 🫶🏻
