I said goodbye to my boy Mozart on Sunday

I don't really know why I'm writing this, I guess I just need as many people to know how special he was.

He was so loved. Everyone who met him always remarked on how sweet and gentle he was. He even enjoyed going to the vet, because there would be people and dogs to say hello to (and treats, of course).

I was so lucky that I got to spend the last 6 years of his life with him. His original owner passed away when Mozart was 8, and the original plan was for me and my partner at the time to foster him while a permanent home was found, but we had possibly the world's quickest foster-failure and had decided we wanted to keep him within a few hours.

He was incredibly special to us, and we did our best to give him the best life he could have. We had an adopt-aversary party each year with all of his dog friends, he went on so many walks and adventures. So much playing, so many photoshoots, so many knee-licks, so many cuddles when we really needed them.

Age started to catch up with him, and around a year ago he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. I spent the last year of his life doing everything I could to manage his declining heart. There was so much medication to be taken at very specific times, a lot of sleepless nights, messes to clean up, and lots of problem-solving to get him to eat in spite of his declining appetite. There were also a lot of really nice cuddles, new places to explore and so much love.

When going on walks got to be too much for him, I carried him to the park so he'd have something interesting to sniff and explore. Even a week before he went I could tell he was still loving life. We went to the park the weekend before he passed, and he loved standing in the wind and sniffing whatever came his way, and I loved watching the wind blow his enormous ears back.

When he was younger, I always said that if there was a way to equalise our life spans, I'd do it in a heartbeat, and I guess I kind of did that. I am completely exhausted, and I have no doubt the stress and sleep deprivation from the past year has shortened my life. It took levels of care that I didn't know I had in me, but he was so so worth it and I don't regret a second of it.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. So much of my life was built around his care routine that my life just feels empty now. I guess there's freedom in that, but I don't really want that freedom, I just want to cuddle my boy again.

Thank you if you read all of this, it genuinely means a lot to me. I guarantee that Mozart would have loved you if he met you <3