I am beyond devastated and not okay
Last night my 13 year old Pug became sick out of nowhere. She was fine all day yesterday, running around, playing, being who she was until 5:30’when she became sick. She had some breathing problems where she had trouble catching her breath, but she still was waggling her tail and being happy, so I thought I’d take her to the vet really quick to figure out what’s going on, maybe give her some medicine and she’d all better
At the vet they did X-rays, and find that her trachea is collapsing in on itself, and she is riddled with cancer in her lungs with a mass that is pushing onto her heart. I am left with no other choice but to euthanize, and signed her death certificate at 7:30.
My entire world came crashing down in 2 hours, I was with her when they put her to sleep yesterday and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t sleep last night, I am still fighting back tears as I write this and I am genuinely not okay
Did I fail my dog? I had no idea she was sick. She gave me no inclination. Am I a monster? How did I not know she was riddled with cancer? How do I move on from this?
Just beyond devastated. I have never felt grief like this.