Today is your final day and I am devastated

Just got the call I have been dreading for weeks Rory (10f) has been fighting pancreatitis and her Addisons for months, but today is probably her final day.

She's in the hospital and I feel so ashamed that her final days were spent there- but I thought she would pull through.

We are supposed to go over there soon and do the procedure and I've never lost a pet. I am 36f and have never felt pain like this

Does she know we have her there to try and save her? That we didn't abandon her? Does she know it's her time? Is she mad at me? I'm so flustered and lost